a supposedly fun thing i'll never do again

"fiction writers as a species tend to be oglers. they tend to lurk and to stare. they are born watchers. they are viewers. they are the ones on the subway about whose nonchalant stare there is something creepy, somehow. almost predatory. this is because human situations are writers' food. fiction writers watch other humans sort of the way gapers slow down for car wrecks: they covet a vision of themselves as witnesses.

but fiction writers tend at the same time to be terribly self-conscious. devoting lots of productive time to studying closely how people come across to them, fiction writers also spend lots of less productive time wondering nervously how they come across to other people. how they appear, how they seem, whether their shirttail might be hanging out of their fly, whether there's maybe lipstick on their teeth, whether the people they're ogling can maybe size them up as somehow creepy, as lurkers and starers.

the result is that a majority of fiction writers, born watchers, tend to dislike being objects of people's attention. dislike being watched. the exceptions to this rule--mailer, mcinerney--sometimes create the impression that most belletristic types covet people's attention. most don't. the few who like attention just naturally get more attention. the rest of us watch."

-david foster wallace.
i've never read anything more true than this.